Asking for Help: Telling Your Parents About Your Eating Disorder

This is a tough topic for most people: telling those you love that you are struggling and need help. It's an important step and certainly not an easy one, but the good news is that you've already accepted you have a problem you need help with. We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves and when it comes to admitting that you have an eating disorder, it is very common to feel shame. Let me say this: there is nothing shameful about it. On a more intricate level yes: there are health risks, psychological consequences, and sometimes you may need immediate, acute care. But in the grand scheme of things you are doing one very simple thing: asking for help. We do it all the time: whether we can't reach something on the top shelf, have trouble with an assignment, or aren't sure what to wear. We turn to people we know will support us. Still, it can be scary. When you open up about your eating disorder you are confessing your secrets and giving up control to some degree. So to help with anxiety surrounding the issue and making the process a little bit more bearable, I'll share some tips on asking for help for your eating disorder:

• Put yourself in their shoes. Being that you are actually dealing with an eating disorder, you know the ins and outs of them. Not everyone is as well versed in them as you are though. Imagine that you didn't know anything about eating disorders: didn't know their signs, symptoms, triggers, etc. How then would you like someone to explain them to you? Strip it down to the basics. The important thing is being up front and honest. You're asking for help, details don't have to be immediate. 
• What do you want? Put some thought into why you want to tell your loved one about your eating disorder? What is it that you want and/or need from them? Therapy? A ride to appointments? A shoulder to lean on? Taking a break from school? Whatever it may be, you'll need to ask for it so knowing before hand what you want and need is important. Some people know exactly what they want for their support system. They have found therapists in their areas or have researched treatment centers. If you've done that, great. Have a list of resources available for when you and your loved ones are ready to utilize them. Maybe you just need to tell someone: that's okay too. Telling someone is a very early step so don't put too much pressure on it.
• Be patient. Though eating disorders are more common than we realize, many people still are not very informed about them; this includes your parents or whoever you are telling. Be prepared for questions, confusion, and a range of emotions. Unless they've experienced one first hand, most people cannot wrap their heads around the intricacies of eating disorders. You are their source of information. In order for them to help you, you have to help them a little.
• They love you. At the end of the day, your parents love you unconditionally. They want what is best for their children. Their dream is to see you happy and thrive. That being said, they will be emotional, maybe angry. That's okay. They feel what they feel just like you do. Understand that whatever reaction they give, it is coming from a place of love. In the heat of the moment it may not come off that way, but a parent will do almost anything for their child. Keep that in mind. 
• Write it out. Some people aren't great at verbally articulating what they would like to say. That's okay! If it helps you, write a letter. Sit down, compose your thoughts, and transcribe them to paper. You can give the letter to your parents and allow them to read and digest. But here's the thing: don't write and run! They're still going to have questions and concerns, so be there to address them. Things can't be resolved if you flee the scene.
• Have some extra support. If you have a friend, close teacher, or anyone else who knows about your eating disorder, ask them to be there with you when you tell your parents. It's important for you to feel supported. Having a third party there may help ease the situation and keep emotions steady for the most part. 
• Have perspective. This very well may be the hardest thing you've ever had to do. It's intimate, its scary, its off-putting. Essentially, its taking your world and turning it upside down. Don't let that stop you from speaking up. You've come this far. You've admitted to having a problem, you acknowledge its out of your control, and you've made the decision to get help. Let that inspire you. Change is always intimidating but try to see the benefits. Recovery will give you a true sense of living. You'll have energy, opportunities, emotions. You'll learn the tools to take your life back. Keep that in the back of your mind when you're experiencing those moments when it doesn't seem worth it. 

These tips and guidelines are very basic. Eating disorders are different for everyone so recovery is the same way. No two people will react uniformly. By keeping these things in mind however, they can act as stepping stones for you when you decide you're ready to use them.