I would give anything to go back to this time in my life. Before calories, weight, numbers, and self-destructive thoughts ran my life. When my biggest problem was showing up to soccer on time. When I wasn't choosing outfits solely because they covered my body. Before an eating disorder came and completely ruined everything. I keep much of this part of my life private but now I feel like I have to acknowledge it in order to move on from it. I don't think this is something I should be ashamed of. I'm struggling every single day to try and get my life back (and not with much help and personal support). One day I'm going to have pictures again with genuine smiles and silly faces without worrying about how fat I must look. One day I'm going to sit down to a meal and see nutrients and deliciousness instead of calorie content. One day I'm going to look back and be able to say "I did it. I beat my eating disorder." I can't wait for that day.
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